my wit's diseased

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(Source: paulmcfruity, via embodiedspirit)

Permalink | 335,114 notes | July 31, 2014 | #audio 

raptorific:

It would be funny if J.K. Rowling made an announcement that the post-series headmaster of Hogwarts was a slytherin man named Severus Jones who happened to ride the world’s tallest roller coaster 15 times and that was the slytherin headmaster “bravest man I ever knew” Harry named his kid after. 

(via toothlass)

Permalink | 3,595 notes | July 31, 2014

askinnyblackman:

things i used to laugh at

things i laugh at now

(via toothlass)

Permalink | 35,556 notes | July 31, 2014

dancybutt:

lnstagrandma:

how to piss someone off:

leave the door open

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(via aliceirrelevant)

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“why” “because i said so” good one mom you should be a lawyer

(via aliceirrelevant)

Permalink | 496,209 notes | July 31, 2014

straightedgemama:

thew0lfqueen:

Don’t date someone you wouldn’t own a dog with

This is like really sound advice though

(via ravenclawdanosaur)

Permalink | 62,968 notes | July 31, 2014

thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

(via aspiring--apiarist)

Permalink | 134,450 notes | July 31, 2014

(Source: puppygamer-deactivated-forever, via alt-j)

Permalink | 41,718 notes | July 31, 2014

ohana-means-famiree:

poshcoughing:

americansavior:

itsjustsatanthings:

cumber-bitches:

caswantsdeansassbutt:

cumber-bitches:

cumber-bitches:

I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

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In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

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this week on: britan thinks its special

This week on america copies everything from Britain.

HOLD THE FUCK UP

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(via ravenclawdanosaur)

Permalink | 233,996 notes | July 31, 2014